Short
by Emorull
Summary: Steve X Tony, you have been warned. Tony loves Steve, Steve likes Tony, and Natasha knows everything. Natasha also has a taser.


"Short?! Short!? I am not short!" Tony screeched at the toaster. Apparently the toasters response was what he wanted because Tony relaxed, nodding his head amicably. "Yeah you're right, sorry, little over the top, soorry." Then he went off muttering sorry over and over as he search for his coffee. Steve wished Tony'd be more willing to apologize sober, and to living things, though he was sure the toaster had taken a lot of abuse from Tony and probably deserved an apology.

Steve sighed, how odd his mind gets at four in the morning. He can't help but smile as Tony stumbles around, apparently having forgotten his coffee is in the microwave. Why was he up at four in the morning? Because the Avengers, upon moving in and finding out how disastrous a drunk, sleepy Tony wandering around at night unsupervised could be, had agreed they would take shifts watching him when ever Tony got... A little wild.

Except for Bruce, Bruce couldn't tell Tony no and the whole Hulk bit... Not ideal, so Steve took what would have been Bruce's nights, and Natasha's and Clint's when they weren't around. So pretty much every night. Steve sighed rubbing his eyes, how did Tony do anything with this much sleep? Steve was having trouble and had taking to napping periodically throughout the day, and he was a supersoldier. Even drunk, Steve noted, Tony was still pretty much Tony, just sort of nicer, and apologetic about everything. Like now, as Tony stood in the middle of the kitchen apologizing to his missing coffee and begging it to come back.

At least Tony had been going to bed more often at night, sure it was normally at one in the morning but he wasn't even drunk most the time. So Steve had been surprised tonight when Tony stumbled out from his workshop all giggles and nonsense.

Because Tony hadn't gotten drunk like this for atleast five nights. Five whole nights of just sitting on the couch outside Tony's work shop reading, drawing, watching the news. But not tonight. Steve felt Tony slump against his back, the other man wrapped his arms around Steve and pressed his chin to Steve's neck. That had taken some getting use to, Tony was a very affectionate and handsy drunk. Scared Clint endlessly.

"Steeeve." He whined. "Cofffeee, no coffeee, no workiee."

Steve smile, patting Tony on the head best he could at this angle. "Coffee isn't going to help you feel better, you need to sleep it off. How many drinks did you have?" He let his head lay back on Tony so he could see Tony's face better, it helped to be able to see Tony's mouth move as he spoke because otherwise most of what Tony said got so slurred it was incomprehensible.

Tony blinked and suddenly put on his most charming smile, focusing right on Steve. 'Just one Officer, but I worked really late. Did I hit anybody?"

Steve laughed. "No Tony, it's Steve. Now tell me how many drinks you had." The toaster dinged. Tony blinked.

"I gotta get that."

Steve grabbed Tony's arms before Tony could get out of the hug, "Five? Ten? Just give me a ball park guess Tony."

Tony turned away, almost like he was ashamed, but Tony was never ashamed, it was probably just a drunk-Tony-mood-swing. "Two, maybe ten." Tony added when Steve glare at him before going over to the toaster and doing whatever drunk Tony did with whatever it was he had toasted. Steve found he was tired enough that he didn't care anymore, as long as the toaster didn't start talking or something. Jarvis was plenty enough for Steve.

"So twelve, okay, you need to go to bed. Twelve is plenty enough for you." Steve tried to sound stern but it's pretty hard to be commanding, which you had to be with Tony when he was drunk, when you're smiling so hard it hurts. "Plates are in the cabinet to the left, no Tony, that's your right, the other way. Yep. Second shelf up. Good job Tony."

It was only when Tony was drunk that Steve had superior intelligence. And he sort of liked it. He didn't like Tony getting drunk, but Tony was kind of nice after a few drinks. Tony meandered back over, sitting on a barstool next to Steve at the kitchen island and setting the plate in front of Steve, but Tony was drunk, so really, he dropped it in Steve's general area and Steve caught it.

"For me?"

"Mmm." Tony nodded before collapsing face first into the countertop.

Steve smile. Then he scratch Tony's scalp, he knew Tony liked that. Well, drunk Tony, he could only begin to imagine the tirade Tony would go off on if Steve scratch his head while he was sober. He frowned, he'd prefer to avoid that. "Thank you, now, how about we go to sleep."

Tony shook his head pretty vigorously for being drunk. "Eat first, thrree meals day, important, you wike blubery bagels. I evn used fake butter for yu."

Steve laughed quietly, Tony was always sensitive to noise when he was this drunk. "You're right, I do like that, thank you, but after I eat, we go to bed."

"Kay." Tony muttered, nodding off right there, Steve wrapped an arm around him just incase sleeping, drunk Tony decided to try diving into the floor or something, ate his bagel, which was blueberry with 'fake' butter and delicious, and carried Tony up to his bed and tucked him in.

Of course he put the plate in the sink. He's Captain America.

Black Widow, Natasha, and Hawkeye, Clint slinked into the kitchen as soon as Steve left. Silent like shadows and and precise like a surgeon. Because they were Shield agents, assassins and spies, jobs that require the same talents as highly secretive night snacking did, something the other Avengers were unaware of, except Tony who was suspicious and also a night snacker. Clint smirked. "Okay, Tony moved the ice cream, but I have some ideas where, a Shield heat detector, and a code hacker he made."

"He hid the girl scout cookies last week, have you found them yet?" Natasha asked.

Clint shrugged. "He's must really like girl scout cookies, cause I have no clue."

Natasha sighed. "No, the only person here who likes them is.. Steve."And then Natasha Romanoff had an epiphany that made her normally placid expression just barely smile. Then she got back down to business. Eating all of Tony's snack food. "I know where the chocolate is."

Clint grinned. "Finally."

-(0)-

Tony liked to think he knew himself. Really, embarrassingly well. The only person who knew him better was actually not a person but just a rather very intelligent system named Jarvis. Jarvis knew him so well because he was constantly watching Tony, which was creepy but it was Jarvis's job.

Jarvis did his job very well, it was like having an invisible, somewhat sarcastic, british, mechanical guardian angel who didn't care if Tony sinned or went to church and all that crap. Tony like his version of a guardian angel way more than the church version. Jarvis wouldn't smite him for doing wrong or anything.

So naturally, Jarvis knew pretty much everything and was not surprised when Natasha barged in that morning at eleven minutes after six, ripping the covers off Tony's bed to get Tony's attention. He even erased all records of Tony's girly scream without being asked.

"Natasha?!" Tony yelled after he finished screaming. "What the hell?!" He added for good measure.

"We need to talk about your feelings for Steve. Run and I will taser you." She wave said taser in the air. "You may be in denial for one minute, starting now." And then she set and started a timer.

Tony waved his arms, spluttering. "Natasha this is nuts! I don't like Steve! He's my frickin babysitter, I don't even get to party with him around!" He tried to pull his blankets back, briefly playing tug-o-war with Natasha, he settled for a sheet. "Don't do that anymore, it's freaking cold in here."

Natasha nods. "Just how Steve likes it. Time's up, now confess or I'll signal Clint to burn the liquor cabinet."

"Clint's in on this too?!" Tony squeaks, shooting upright before slumping against the headboard as his head throbbed.

"Sort of, he think's we're extorting more raspberry cheesecake with white chocolate ice cream out of you, which we are, ten tubs, normal sized by tonight. Here's your phone. Order now." Tony paused.

"Why should I-"

"Or we burn the liquor and all the liquor to come."

Tony mulled it over before nodding, ten tubs of ice cream or lose his liquor. Not a hard choice. He tapped out the order quickly, "It'll be here at three in the afternoon."

Natasha nodded, widen her stance and raised the taser. "Good. Now admit you love Steve. Or be tazered."

"I don't love Ste-Oh my god, don't shoot, I love Steve, don't shoot me!" Natasha powered down the taser.

"Very good Stark, the first step is admitting, now accept them, you have five seconds." And then she starts counting off said seconds.

"What? Or you'll tazer me?" Natasha nods. "Oh, okay, I accept my feelings for Steve." Tony wiggled out of bed, eyeing the taser, "Do I get an explanation or?..."

She shakes her head. "No, you're Tony Stark, now that I made you realize you want Steve you'll go get him."

"I want him?"

"You love him, so yes." Natasha bites her lip, the closest to nervous Tony had ever seen her, "I could-"

"Nope!" Tony chirps, "I am good, thank you so much. This morning has been very enlightening, now you and the taser can go. Mission accomplished, bye." He waves as she goes out the door. "Shut the door behind you!"

She smiles, "Okay Stark."

-(0)-

So perhaps the idea that Tony loved Steve was not new to Tony. But Steve was Steve, all good american values and straight as a... What is straight? A door knob came to mind first but that didn't make sense. A nail, ruler?

Whatever, Steve was straight, he was from the era of straight, american, hard work, truth, and honesty or something like that. So what if he had a cute smile, was ridiculously naive and helpless when it came to technology and modern culture. So what if Tony skip drinking just so he could remember hanging out with Steve clearly, so what if everytime he looked up from his project and smiled when he saw Steve sitting on the couch, frowning at the news.

Oh god, Tony really did have something worse than a healthy dose of attraction, he had the Crush, the one that lasted forever and ended terribly and started with an L. Tony struck a pose, Natasha knew and this was destine to go badly anyways, which meant one thing.

Tony just had to ruin it before Natasha did. He did a little fist pump. "I'm such a genius." And then he went back to bed because even geniuses need their sleep.

-(0)-

Steve liked to think he was pretty normal, if you ignored the superhuman part. He'd liked sports and fishing just like every other guy, he liked parks and running and reading. He was a totally normal person, who had been frozen for seventy years, but he was still incredibly normal.

Or at least he was pretty sure he was, but now, watching the Avengers assemble for breakfast, he realized he couldn't be normal because a normal guy a, wouldn't make breakfast for these hooligans, b, would have evacuated the building the moment Thor demanded a pop tart.

But he was right there, frying eggs and bacon, and toasting pop tarts so he knew he was sadly not normal. Maybe he was normal for a veteran? Steve sighed, he was probably to strange for them as well. Not to say veterans are strange, but they'd might not run when the Avengers burst into the kitchen like a normal civilian would. Tony didn't even come down, probably was hungover.

Maybe.

So Steve gave Thor his box of pop tarts and banana flavored milk, yes, it was banana flavored, everyone else got eggs and bacon, and Steve snuck off with two plates. One had a nice sunny side up eggs, two pieces of bacon, and salad, the other a greasy breakfast special because Tony had some fixation with greasy food when he was hung over, and coffee.

Steve decided he may not be normal but he was definitely amazing and felt like a spy in the tv shows Tony had watched with him, slinking up the stairs with two plates and two burning hot cups of coffee. He kicked Tony's door with his foot, "Tony, open the door."

"Ffiph mainuts." Came through the door.

Steve sighed, "Now, Tony."

"Steveee?"

"Yes, it's me."

The door burst open, almost smashing Steve and coffee and food, and a very thrilled looking Tony popped out. "Perfect, I need to talk to you. Aw, you made me breakfast Steve." And Steve had to blink at the pure affection in Tony's voice, sure Tony got a little affectionate here and there but normally that was when he was drunk. He tried not to freeze like a statue when Tony wrapped an arm around his waist and led him inside, but his arms froze in place and his face screwed up like he had just breathed in a mosquito. Tony set the coffees on his nightstand, took his breakfast, and forced Steve to sit on the bed.

Steve had to admit he was envious of Tony's bed, fluffy, soft, just sitting on it made him never want to leave. Pepper said she had picked it in hopes that's it'd encourage Tony to sleep more, Steve wasn't sure if it was working on Tony but Steve wouldn't mind sleeping here for another seventy years.

Weird thoughts again, Steve ate his salad, and tried to ignore Tony, sitting sideways and blatantly staring at him as he ate. They ate in dead silence before Steve realize he had eaten all his food, maybe he did eat his nerves like Bruce claimed, or Tony staring at him like he was some big mystery problem cause him to eat at the speed of light, but no more food meant no more not talking. Even Tony was almost done with his breakfast, so Steve cleared his throat awkwardly. "Ah, you needed to talk to me."

Tony nodded, "Yup, pretty big deal, pass the coffee?"

Steve grabbed Tony's coffee, and held it as he spoke just to make sure he had Tony's attention, "Big as in...?"

"Potentially life changing." Tony supplied, taking his coffee from Steve. He took a sip before straightening up, and Steve could see why Tony was such an effective business man, he simply radiated it. "Well, Steve I have Feelings, and Feelings don't always do what we want them to do, in fact commonly they cause more trouble than anything. You following me big guy?"

Steve nodded slowly. "I think so."

"Good, because my Feelings involve you. Okay?" Tony moved his hands as he spoke and Steve found himself watching them swing about energetically. Steve nodded even though he was pretty sure he was missing the point. Okay, he knew he was because there clearly was a point to this and he didn't get it. "I have a bad case of OSL." Tony said it so gravely that Steve started going through all the illness he knew but OSL? He'd never heard of it, but just kept nodding and Tony smiled like he knew just how losted Steve was. "I was hoping to upgrade to TSL."

"Upgrade?" Steve echoed, was this some sort of computer program?

Tony nodded. "Yeah, never had it before but I think if OSL is so awesome, TSL must be absolutely amazing." Steve squinted, so OSL was good?

"Well, I hope it works out for you?" He offered, this is what happens when you're polite and have no clue what's going on. Question marks, big fat question marks in everything little thing you did.

"I'm getting to that Steve." Tony took another sip of coffee, before looking Steve straight in the eye. "OSL, One Sided Love pal, I was hoping to make it into TSL, Two Sided Love, if you wouldn't mind."

Steve nodded, even slower, why did Tony need his permission? "Sure, bring her by sometime, I'm sure she's great and the team will love her." And he smiled, that seemed like the right thing to do.

Tony frowned, then smiled as well, "Him. And the team already knows him."

"Oh, okay, good, and he is who?" Steve was pretty sure he shouldn't nod anymore, was there a limit to how much nodding one could do in a conversation?

"You." And suddenly Tony found his coffee delicious and started chugging it down like there was no tomorrow, it was also probably the last time he'd have breakfast in bed from Steve he figured.

"Me?" Tony jumped up from the bed and wandered into the bathroom. Steve followed. "Tony? You can't just say that and...Brush your teeth." Yes, yes, Tony definitely could. Steve side, resting his head against the doorway. "So you...Love me?" He ignored Tony choking on the toothbrush, Tony deserved it. "God Tony." Steve glanced over at said imbecile who looked just as mortified as Toy was capable of looking, and Steve sighed, flipped the toilet lid down and took a seat. Drumming his fingers against his knees. "You idiot." Steve laughed. "I don't stay up all night for just anyone, I wouldn't say I love you, I do like you. I mean, you do a lot of stupid, stupid things, like when you gave my smartphone that upgrade. That AI you put in there is determined to get me to a nightclub." Steve grinned as Tony turned slowly with that slow, shocked expression,setting down the toothbrush. "So, um, yeah, I like you and I think that... We could try it out?" He finished awkwardly.

"I'd really like that." Tony mumbled.

"Good, now washed up, you smell like a bar." And with that Steve left the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

"You know you love it!" Tony yelled gleefully before grinning like an idiot at himself in the mirror.

And Natasha smirked up in the air duct, Clint had given her the layout a long time ago, and clicked the pause on her special, spy video camera. Oh, yes, she could see the ice cream now.

* * *

Ta Da! R and R por favor.


End file.
